I've been so blessed recently as I've set out on my conquest of discovering the truth about the bridegroom God and my relationship with Him in regards to intimacy. The moment I started asking the Lord questions about marriage, he responded! I was surprised because often times when I ask about something, other than marriage, it will take time. It may be several object lessons later before I have a clear understanding of the knowledge I've sought. Not so with marriage! It is His favorite subject, I believe, and I've gained quite a bit of understanding in a short amount of time. Luke 11:9 says "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock
and the door will be opened to you." This is the truth, the Lord is faithful to those who seek Him.
When I first came to know the Lord as a bridegroom, it was very dramatic. Not in terms of a typical marriage ceremony or anything weird like that. One thing that I should make clear is that Jesus is not my husband in the same way my earthly husband is. I don't do any weird date stuff or plan on making out with Jesus some day so throw those thoughts out. What I'm talking about is the shift that took place in my heart. There was a moment in time where the knowledge that had accumulated in my mind through teachings, reading of the word, prayer and fasting and so on, moved deep into my heart and awakened me to the reality of who He is in this respect. Song of Solomon 8:4 says, Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so
desires. Essentially, the Lord woke me up and I haven't been the same since. This is my testimony.
I've spent the better part of the last three years in preparation for what is going to come from this revelation. When I got saved on my hospital bed in November of 2009, I found the love and acceptance of the Father calling me to return to Him. Before then, I knew Him as a righteous judge. When He spoke to me in Kansas City about the way I am to train my children, it was Jesus the King. I believe He revealed, in this order, the different aspects of Himself to me according to His purpose. I'm not sure if He does it this way for everyone or if some people see Him as Bridegroom first or second, I don't know. This is the way it happened for me and I'm glad for it because had I known Him in any other order, I wouldn't be who I am right now. Becoming a friend of the Bridegroom has been very intense and wonderful. There is a lot of grace involved, which we all love, but it comes with a cost and that's what this is all about.
When I think about the marriage my husband Shad and I share, I'm amazed at how far we've come together. We've been married for nine years as of last August. When he met me in 1999, I had a two year old daughter from a previous relationship, Savannah. He and I fell in love right away and were moving in and pregnant together six months later. Autumn came in September of 2001 and we were married in August of 2003. Sadie came along in November, 2005. All this to say that a lot happened in a very short amount of time, especially for him. He went from zero to three kids, a wife and a mortgage payment in only a few years time. We have been through trial after trial after trial in our marriage and have struggled to keep it together several times. He has walked with me through my addiction to drugs and alcohol, low self esteem, sickness and disease, every kind of curse you can imagine, he has been through with me. Not that he's perfect, I just want to demonstrate the kind of husband he's been to me and the kind of wife I was.
To often in society do I see people just giving up, giving in to the pressure that is required in marriage. Things turn ugly quickly, the children suffer as a result and it turns into a vicious game of he said/she said manipulation that eventually leaves both parties exhausted and even more angry than before. Then they decide it would be best to abort the marriage and part ways because neither one wants to admit any wrongdoing. Neither one can attain the humility that is required to get into the place of intimacy because of the big, fat ego that they carry. I'm not saying this is always the case, I'm simply sharing my own testimony about how I've had to lose my ego time and time again in order to salvage my own marriage. It's not easy, submission is a choice that we have to make in order to see the kind of outcome that God desires, which is ultimately what we want as well.
Being the Bride of Christ can be compared to this type of submissive marriage. It requires great humility and sacrifice on a daily basis. There are some, I know, that think getting married is a save all solution. That's simply not true! Marriage is complicated, it's hard, it's uncomfortable, it takes commitment from both sides, daily, to keep it together. Unless you're willing to do the hard, uncomfortable things, you will never experience the great joy that comes from the hard work. We want that joy, we want to live happily ever with our princes and princesses, with Jesus, but you can only get that joy, that gladness of heart, if you are willing to sacrifice, be humble, be patient and persevere day in and day out. I don't know about you but those four things were not on my top list of priorities as a new bride or a new Christian, yet the trials came and just when I thought we had weathered the storm, they came again and again and again. My husband and I are at a place now where we submit to one another in love, everyday, willingly, no matter how badly one of us want to prove our point or do our own thing, we know that humility is better and that's what we have to strive for because He is worth it!
In the same way that we must suffer in marriage to our earthly spouses, (I know I'm not the only one so go on and admit it to yourself right now), we must suffer in our marriage to Christ. What does that look like? The Bible is full of scripture that depicts the kinds of trials that we must face but it is clear that there is a purpose behind them. These trials bring out in us our ability to either hang on or give up. Those are our two choices ulitmately with all things, we are either going to persevere or lie down and be wasted. I've done the lie down and be wasted thing, literally, and it's no fun! When I think about the suffering with Christ, I imagine myself with Him, carrying my own cross beside Him. I might say something like this; "Jesus, where's God?" and He says, "I don't know beloved, He's not answering my call right now, don't worry though, He's got something good in store for us. Keep lugging that thing OK, you're gonna be with me in my kingdom you know. I know how bad the beatings hurt, just hang on OK? You look like your finishing last right now but I'm going to make you first. Hang on OK?" I know in my heart that what He says is true because I've felt His love, His compassion and His kindness in the past. It gets harder for me to hear His voice but I know that it's only because He has gone on before me. I see that He's made the atonement and it's only a matter of time before He will be with me again. He is with the Father now, telling Him all about how awesome I am and as I embrace the cross and cry out to Him, He hears and pours out His resurection life on me and we are one again.
The message of the cross is the greatest love story in the history of the world and I get to choose whether or not I want to be a part of it? Not only that but anyone who is chosen gets to choose thier own part! Where do you want to start? Will you follow Him unto death? Jesus died with a crown of thorns pressed into His head, are you willing to go that far? Are you willing to get that uncomfortable in your own crucible in order to obtain an eternal crown? Are you willing to stand before a people bloody, mocked, beaten and bruised for the sake of Love or are you only willing to go so far? Think about the vows we made to our earthly husbands and wives and ask yourself this; are you holding to them? Jesus requires the same things of His bride to bring her into maturity so that we can spend eternity with Him. For better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer til death do us part, all the days of our lives let no man separate what God has brought together. Will you say, "I do" to the great I AM?
