I was reminded of something today that I thought was worth sharing. I love to share, especially with my children and I'm so blessed that the Lord brought this memory to me today. Sometimes we all need a reminder...
I spent a lot of time in the woods as a girl, some of the best times of my life. They were a safe place for me, I felt free there. I was free, I really didn't have any boundaries, the world was my playground and I wanted all that it had to offer. My dad and uncles would take my cousins and I out on adventures all the time. We got to go scouting, hunting and fishing a lot. Like I said, I really didn't have any boundaries. All I knew was that I needed to eat, drink and sleep to stay alive. If I didn't have any food or water, I knew how I could get it and if my life was in danger, my cousin was always with me to bail me out. If I ran out of gas or lost my bike in a lake, I might have worried.
When I was eight or nine my dad took me on a fishing trip to Pine Lake. It's a beautiful place high up in the Skokomish River Valley, one of my favorite places. My dad and my uncle made their way to where they were going to fish for trout and my cousin and I found the blueberries. As we ate and explored I remember feeling like we'd ventured a little too far. We were at one end of the lake and dad and my uncle were at the other. I remember looking back and thinking, "I should probably go back" but my cousin was already way ahead of me and I really wanted to find the bridge that we thought was on the other side so I kept going. I came to a huge tree that had been uprooted and climbed up on it. On the other side was a utopia for frogs! There was a whole bunch of mud covered with a lovely layer of slimy frog eggs. All I could think about was getting to the other side of the lake, I wanted to see that bridge! So, I put my black rubber boots in the mud and made my way across the utopia. When I got about half way through, I started sinking. I was terrified! My cousin had made it to the other side but I was dead center and in well above my knees. I picked up my foot to take another step and I lost my boot. They other boot never made it out either. I lost those boots and got out there before my feet ever even hit the mud again. I'll never forget the look on my dad's face when I returned, bootless and covered in mud and frog slime.
At the end of the day when we went to make the way back to our rig somehow, we got lost. We must have walked a circular mile through tall, soppy, grassland! I don't know what I had on my feet but I was tired, scared, uncomfortable and I didn't want my dad to know. I wanted to be brave for him. I knew we were lost without him ever saying a word because I could see the look on his face. It was the worried, "do I turn here or there, stay close to me" look. So I did. That's where the memory froze.
This came to me today in such a timely manner. When the memory froze, all of the feelings that I felt in that moment came flooding through me again. I saw it like a flashback. I could see his eyes, focused hard with determination as we walked silently through the marsh. As uncomfortable as I was, I felt completely secure. Looking up at my dad, I saw a strong, brave man. There wasn't anything for me to worry about because he was going to get us out of there. I admired him so much for the way he led us out, strong, confident and never once making me feel shame for losing my boots. He was in save and protect mode and I was in awe of him. I'll never forget the only words he spoke to me on our way out. He said, "Sometimes, you have to get lost in order to find where you are going." I was perplexed...why in the world would you want to get lost on purpose?
I know now that that was a seed from God that my dad planted in me that day. Although I didn't understand at the time what he meant by that, it would stay with me for a time when truth was ready to be revealed. I know enough now to know that if I'm ever in a situation where there is mud present I should probably go the other way but back then I was just a child. I wasn't thinking about getting stuck or losing my boots or even getting in trouble, I just wanted to see that bridge. Sometimes we get so focused on what we want to see that we don't realize we're stepping into slippery, slimy, muck until it's too late. I am so grateful for my dad's heart towards me that day. Coming back to him in the state I was in was very embarrassing. I sat on the hill sulking for quite some time before we left that day, humiliated by my own self. Never once did he say anything to make me feel stupid or ashamed. I knew that losing my boots was my own fault and when we got lost I knew I needed to be brave for my dad and not sulk. He loved me, even in my bootless situation, and was committed to getting me out to a place he could clean me up and get me warm. This is a portrait of what God looks like. He was with us that day working in both our hearts.
I have wondered for years what my dad meant when he said what he did that day. There have been times where I've thought I had the answer and times that I've been unsure. I think sometimes we all get lost from time to time and don't even know it, but we are so blessed to find out that we are if we do. We could be looking for something or doing our job or following the crowd, all with good intentions, so how do we find ourselves in a mud pit? Well, what if you come to a place in your life that is new territory? Take Pine Lake for example, I had never been that far around the lake before, I was in a new territory. Maybe you have been given new responsibilities, that would be like going to a new pasture? Suppose haven't been there long and it's all new to you. How are you supposed to find out where the boundaries lines are in this new pasture? What if there are weaknesses that we don't even know we have? The key is listening to God. If I would have listened to the still small voice when I climbed on that log, I wouldn't have stepped into the mud that day much would have been avoided. I didn't know God cared about me then so I ignored the voice and fell into the trap. So we have to listen, first, and ask God to help us and show us our weaknesses. There are mud pits around all of our weaknesses and the enemy is just waiting for us to fall into them. There are other things in the pasture to look out for too, thank God I've never had any run ins with bears or wolves in my times spent in nature! Trust that God will not let you stray, if you are wandering in the wrong direction, He will bring you back. His rod and staff are meant for comfort and He will bring you back to the still water. If you fall into the mud, like I did, let Him pick you up and clean you off. He will bring you back to safety. Most of all, stay with the other sheep. It is good to be in a company of believers that will hold you accountable. Let them help you when you come to this new place, talk to someone you can trust about your fears and insecurities. God already knows that you have them so find someone that is willing to spend time with you just listening that will also pray. Finally, accept that God is in control. He will show you everything you long to see and more in due time.
