The Lord has given me a few songs these past couple of days. He always knows the best time to spring up a new song. I can't remember the words, unfortunately, my memory fails me, but one of the first lines in one of them started out, "In my defense" and it ended, "I am a child of God." I don't know if anyone will get that but I thought it was kind of funny. Seasons of singing and joy are meant to be everlasting and I'm learning how to cultivate the fruit of joy more and more as I surround myself with people who are healthy and seeking the same things. Boundaries are something I'm learning. How to pace myself is another. God gives me a reason to sing and be joyful everyday, and without Him, I would be down and depressed about the toil that taunts me in the sink and laundry areas of my life. Trust me, I've got three girls, two of them teens, this work is not cut out for me! But because of Him, I can accept where I'm at and therefore where everyone else around me is at too. No mysticism involved, it's just God's simple plan that we stay in His boundaries and love one another as we love ourselves.
Tonight, my husband and I had the opportunity to take on about twenty-five kids, most of them under the age of ten. What a sight it was to see us trying to manage all of those children! It really was a lot more complicated than it sounds because we were playing a game outside on teams, boys against girls and I was the only adult captain on my team. I love kids and I always wanted to be a teacher, it's a dream that has always been with me ever since I was a little girl, so getting to be all teachy with those little girls was sheer joy to me. All the different personalities and unique individual needs came out and it was so stunningly beautiful to see the way they all worked together. I must have been the most emotional captain on the planet but I couldn't help but to just let my heart be soft before God for His Children.
Even as I sit here writing tonight, I'm remembering little parts of the day where I wasn't sure how I would answer to my own children, when one of the several dilemmas would pop up during the day. All I can say is that I made it through by getting out of the way. You can't be a people pleaser when it comes to your kids, you just can't. I'm learning that I simply don't have time to try to make everybody happy. A family is a team and therefore must work together in order for things to flow. Mom and Dad have to stay united if they don't want their kids getting all confused. It's true, kids don't know what to do with themselves when their parents are divided. They don't know what side to stand on! It's so easy to let it happen too, we are constantly checking to make sure we're still standing side by side. Good captains I think should stay on the same side, side by side, guarding each other. Especially when their on the same team.
My heart is grieved when I think about the brothers and sisters who have let pride and offense get in the way of their once unified relationships. It breaks my heart when I hear a story about someone that I care about saying nasty things about other people in the body. I understand people get angry but I also know that there are two sides to every story. My husband used to tell me during the first years of our marriage, "When you assume something, you make an ass out of you and me. Get it ASS-U-ME? Really though, there have been all kinds of accusations made against me, but look at the fruit of my life if you want to know what God I am serving. The fruit will tell. Let that be the test for all of us. Another one is to examine your own hunk of wood before you try to pry mine out of my eye. I can honestly say that right now, there is no one that I have an offense with. It's a good way to live to be in constant recognition of where division is trying to creep in. I can't emphasize it enough.
The prayer of my heart is that for every mother and father, for every sister and brother, for every lost and lonely person out there, that they would find the healing they need and that their relationships would be repaired. We are called to be united. The bible is full of scripture that talks about watching what you say about your brother. Even if you don't like your brother or your sister, he's still yours and Jesus loves them just as much as He loves you! What if what you said about somebody came back and made you sick? Is Christ's body not One? What if your words affected the whole body including your own kin? The bible talks about that too! We are called to be united, which means we choose to love each other. Satan is the accuser of the brethren, he is sneaky, and let the test come to the one who lets accusation pass from his lips. The fruit will tell We have all fallen short and my husband always reminds me, we will again tomorrow. Life is just so much better when there is unity amongst the brethren, the bible says blessing is commanded when it happens so we might as well try!
In whatever relationships you are trying to build, whether it be with twenty-five small children or teenage girls, guard your mouth for from out of it the heart speaks. Sing songs over one another and greet each other with praise. Worship and glorify with your thoughts and actions toward one another. If you have fallen relationships that need repair but you aren't sure where to start, God's hands are a good place? There have been so many times that I've gotten angry and complained or let words come from my mouth that I'm not proud of, but you can say your sorry! First tell God because it was one of His kids you hurt and then go tell them. Let the fruit of righteousness be sown in peace and watch how God will honor you for doing things right. Above all else, unite your heart to God's plan. Surrender the things you know need surrendering and get back to your life. It's meant to be full of goodness and full of life. And when you've done all that, surround yourself with young people that are looking for the right way to go. There are plenty of children and teens that need to see what it looks like to walk these things out. So go on, be the blessing that you were created to be and if you get lost and aren't sure where you are, ask for help. God created us to do really great things, lets not wait any longer!
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Sunday, June 15, 2014
He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world!
I had quite an encounter with the Lord recently that I thought was worth sharing. The other night, while leaving a prayer meeting, I saw a lady across the street from the church who, to me, appeared to be stranded. Maybe astray is a better word. When I see people living out of their car like that, my immediate reaction is that they are bound and need Jesus to save them and set them free. The thought doesn't ever occur to me that maybe they actually want their lives to be that way. So my sister in the Lord and I venture over to her, totally equipped with the message of Salvation. It's been my experience that people like that are usually in need of something, whether it be a healing touch, an act of service, or whatever God wants to do. This woman didn't want any of that! In fact, she didn't even want to tell me her name. She did clarify to me that she was a reverend and had saints that were scattered abroad. That should have been my first clue but instead, I was thinking, "Oh! she loves Jesus! Let's share in the Gospel a bit and glorify God." (After all, God loves it when we sit around and talk about how awesome He is!) Well, she didn't want to talk about the Gospel, instead, she wanted to grill me whole!
I'll be the first to admit, I have a lot to learn! I'm no stranger to that fact, especially when it comes to people. It was a really good thing that my sister, who is more like a mother in the Lord, was there paying attention to what was going on, it was a good lesson for both of us. At some point during our conversation, I started feeling really confused. This woman claimed to "know" Jesus and even be filled with the Holy Spirit, yet she couldn't say that Jesus was born from a virgin OR that He now sits at the right hand of the Father. There were a few other things that I was trying to impress on her but it was like hitting your head on a sliding glass door because you thought the door was open, no joke! That's actually happened to me. When I realized I was getting caught up in her confusion, I knew I needed to set the facts straight once and for all so I recited the Apostle's Creed, which is a summary of the Christian Faith. It says:
I believe in God, the Father almighty,maker of Heaven and Earth.
I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
The third day he rose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty.
From there he will come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy Christian Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting. Amen.
Once I did that, I felt the confusion lift and my companion gracefully yoinked me out of there. As I walked away I could hear her chanting and making all kinds of noise.
The whole rest of the night was horrible. Sometimes I get pain in my body that moves around but usually I can control it. This night it was uncontrollable and it was intense. All I could do was pray for peace and relief until I could get comfortable. Come morning, I still hadn't really slept, but I had to get up and get moving because I'd made a vow to God that I wouldn't let anything stop me from worshipping Him in the congregation. Pretty shortly thereafter, I got a text from my sister who was with me the night before. She had some scriptures for me that the Lord had given her. I thank God for faithful students in Him that spend time in His word so that when the time is right, He can use them to deliver powerful words! Powerful words from God break the chains of bondage! I'm so thankful for people that love being used like that for God! Anyway, one of those words came to me on this morning and it was no accident that the experience we shared with the woman across the street the night before had been a predestined object lesson from none other than God Himself.
It's a really long story, the one from where I was, to where I'm at now, but lets just say that some of the things that I thought I knew, that I was sure were true, I now know to have been error. It's a common thing, this error I hear, as far as I can tell. I hear about it all the time. People that claim to be Godly, even believe that they are absolutely in the right, teaching and leading people astray because of something that they themselves have conjured up and unfortunately "duped" people into believing. Personally, my experience in the church is very limited, so I can only testify for myself about what I've witnessed, but I hear about it in just about every stream I spend time in. I understand that it's all rooted in pride but it is sneaky! We must constantly be on guard and make sure we are in His will and not acting out of our own, or doing something to please someone else.
Powerful words from God break bondage's!! My sister spoke a word to me, between her and I, that made me realize some error in my thinking. I am a worshipper. I love to be in the presence of God, with music, and lyrics, and all that mushy gushy love song type stuff. I can worship God in my home, in the congregation, anywhere, but I love to lead. It's something that God put in me that I can't escape. I've tried. There have been three times where I've had to step down from the platform to correct and maintain my relationship with God. I wasn't removed, nobody told me to step down, it caused inconvenience for those on my team but it was entirely necessary for my stability. When called back, I'd fall into a net of fear. The thought would say I was putting myself at risk if I picked up my talent again. I felt vulnerable and susceptible to being attacked by the enemy because of the good work I was doing for God. Pretty soon, because I had allowed that spirit of error to enter my mind, I was fighting battles that had already been won. The thought said that the attacks from the enemy were because of the good works I had done for God. That was a lie. The attacks would have come anyway, but not because of anything I had done.
How does all this tie in? Well, the prayer meeting I was at, I was asked to play and sing for. I haven't sung and played with instruments and others for months now other than in my own home, (which in my opinion, is where the best worship happens) My first response was absolutely, no. That would be entirely too risky, I've dealt with a lot over the past few months and putting myself in that position, even for a few hours, was terrifying. However, I couldn't stop thinking about it all day long. I prayed and prayed and prayed until finally I decided I should at least sing. I was terribly nervous at first, especially since it was just myself and one other person, but by the time we got to the last song, I felt completely free. All the insecurity that I felt had been pushed out of the way and I was free. Completely free. It was right after that meeting that we encountered the woman across the street. The woman cursed me and called me names. She was not a Christian like I thought she was. She was bent on the spirit of error and made false accusations against me.
I felt cold and sick on the way home and so my sister followed me. I asked her if that attack was because I stood up and sang? Really, this is what I've been believing ever since I discovered I could sing! She said no, of course not, but the thought remained in my mind because of what I've believed for so long. I couldn't sleep all night, I was tossing and turning in pain. I thought the attack was because I had put myself on the front line and that God wanted me to see what a risky position it is. Now I do believe that people on a platform, of any kind, have a greater responsibility, especially in the Kingdom of God but God is ENTHRONED on the praises of His people. God loves it when we use our talents, he doesn't spank us after we use them!
My sister told me the Holy Spirit told her we shouldn't go talk to the lady before we did but that's OK, God had a lesson for both of us. I believe that the attack of the enemy that came at me through that woman was not because of anything I had done. It was because of something I didn't do. I didn't ask God first if He wanted me to go speak to the lady across the street, I just went. My intentions were good and I think God honors that but something happened to me when I went to her. I became confused and error began to torment me. I wasn't safe because I'd stepped outside of what God wanted me to do. The Lord delivered me in the middle of the Sunday morning worship service, I went to the prayer room and cried hard for a good few minutes at the realization of the lie and error I'd been living in and under for so long. Attacks are going to come, they happen all the time to people saved and unsaved alike. It's just part of life as long as the devil is roaming the earth.
What I now understand is that I am free to use my talents for God, speak His word, and do His work, in any capacity that He would have me do it, and that I will be completely safe and protected, as long as I am doing it within the boundaries that He has set up for me. There is no fear in love because greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. What do I have to worry about? Whom shall I fear? His burden it is easy and His yoke? It is light. From now on, I can live my life free from the intimidation I believed came with my talent. I can press in and worship Him again free from the fear that something bad will happen to me if I do. I am free to express myself and my heart in adoration and praise, knowing that He is holding me, that I am safe and completely protected. And when persecution comes, as promised, I can rest assured that it's not because of anything I've done, It's because of His great name and because I am a child of God!!
I'll be the first to admit, I have a lot to learn! I'm no stranger to that fact, especially when it comes to people. It was a really good thing that my sister, who is more like a mother in the Lord, was there paying attention to what was going on, it was a good lesson for both of us. At some point during our conversation, I started feeling really confused. This woman claimed to "know" Jesus and even be filled with the Holy Spirit, yet she couldn't say that Jesus was born from a virgin OR that He now sits at the right hand of the Father. There were a few other things that I was trying to impress on her but it was like hitting your head on a sliding glass door because you thought the door was open, no joke! That's actually happened to me. When I realized I was getting caught up in her confusion, I knew I needed to set the facts straight once and for all so I recited the Apostle's Creed, which is a summary of the Christian Faith. It says:
I believe in God, the Father almighty,maker of Heaven and Earth.
I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
The third day he rose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty.
From there he will come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy Christian Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting. Amen.
Once I did that, I felt the confusion lift and my companion gracefully yoinked me out of there. As I walked away I could hear her chanting and making all kinds of noise.
The whole rest of the night was horrible. Sometimes I get pain in my body that moves around but usually I can control it. This night it was uncontrollable and it was intense. All I could do was pray for peace and relief until I could get comfortable. Come morning, I still hadn't really slept, but I had to get up and get moving because I'd made a vow to God that I wouldn't let anything stop me from worshipping Him in the congregation. Pretty shortly thereafter, I got a text from my sister who was with me the night before. She had some scriptures for me that the Lord had given her. I thank God for faithful students in Him that spend time in His word so that when the time is right, He can use them to deliver powerful words! Powerful words from God break the chains of bondage! I'm so thankful for people that love being used like that for God! Anyway, one of those words came to me on this morning and it was no accident that the experience we shared with the woman across the street the night before had been a predestined object lesson from none other than God Himself.
It's a really long story, the one from where I was, to where I'm at now, but lets just say that some of the things that I thought I knew, that I was sure were true, I now know to have been error. It's a common thing, this error I hear, as far as I can tell. I hear about it all the time. People that claim to be Godly, even believe that they are absolutely in the right, teaching and leading people astray because of something that they themselves have conjured up and unfortunately "duped" people into believing. Personally, my experience in the church is very limited, so I can only testify for myself about what I've witnessed, but I hear about it in just about every stream I spend time in. I understand that it's all rooted in pride but it is sneaky! We must constantly be on guard and make sure we are in His will and not acting out of our own, or doing something to please someone else.
Powerful words from God break bondage's!! My sister spoke a word to me, between her and I, that made me realize some error in my thinking. I am a worshipper. I love to be in the presence of God, with music, and lyrics, and all that mushy gushy love song type stuff. I can worship God in my home, in the congregation, anywhere, but I love to lead. It's something that God put in me that I can't escape. I've tried. There have been three times where I've had to step down from the platform to correct and maintain my relationship with God. I wasn't removed, nobody told me to step down, it caused inconvenience for those on my team but it was entirely necessary for my stability. When called back, I'd fall into a net of fear. The thought would say I was putting myself at risk if I picked up my talent again. I felt vulnerable and susceptible to being attacked by the enemy because of the good work I was doing for God. Pretty soon, because I had allowed that spirit of error to enter my mind, I was fighting battles that had already been won. The thought said that the attacks from the enemy were because of the good works I had done for God. That was a lie. The attacks would have come anyway, but not because of anything I had done.
How does all this tie in? Well, the prayer meeting I was at, I was asked to play and sing for. I haven't sung and played with instruments and others for months now other than in my own home, (which in my opinion, is where the best worship happens) My first response was absolutely, no. That would be entirely too risky, I've dealt with a lot over the past few months and putting myself in that position, even for a few hours, was terrifying. However, I couldn't stop thinking about it all day long. I prayed and prayed and prayed until finally I decided I should at least sing. I was terribly nervous at first, especially since it was just myself and one other person, but by the time we got to the last song, I felt completely free. All the insecurity that I felt had been pushed out of the way and I was free. Completely free. It was right after that meeting that we encountered the woman across the street. The woman cursed me and called me names. She was not a Christian like I thought she was. She was bent on the spirit of error and made false accusations against me.
I felt cold and sick on the way home and so my sister followed me. I asked her if that attack was because I stood up and sang? Really, this is what I've been believing ever since I discovered I could sing! She said no, of course not, but the thought remained in my mind because of what I've believed for so long. I couldn't sleep all night, I was tossing and turning in pain. I thought the attack was because I had put myself on the front line and that God wanted me to see what a risky position it is. Now I do believe that people on a platform, of any kind, have a greater responsibility, especially in the Kingdom of God but God is ENTHRONED on the praises of His people. God loves it when we use our talents, he doesn't spank us after we use them!
My sister told me the Holy Spirit told her we shouldn't go talk to the lady before we did but that's OK, God had a lesson for both of us. I believe that the attack of the enemy that came at me through that woman was not because of anything I had done. It was because of something I didn't do. I didn't ask God first if He wanted me to go speak to the lady across the street, I just went. My intentions were good and I think God honors that but something happened to me when I went to her. I became confused and error began to torment me. I wasn't safe because I'd stepped outside of what God wanted me to do. The Lord delivered me in the middle of the Sunday morning worship service, I went to the prayer room and cried hard for a good few minutes at the realization of the lie and error I'd been living in and under for so long. Attacks are going to come, they happen all the time to people saved and unsaved alike. It's just part of life as long as the devil is roaming the earth.
What I now understand is that I am free to use my talents for God, speak His word, and do His work, in any capacity that He would have me do it, and that I will be completely safe and protected, as long as I am doing it within the boundaries that He has set up for me. There is no fear in love because greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. What do I have to worry about? Whom shall I fear? His burden it is easy and His yoke? It is light. From now on, I can live my life free from the intimidation I believed came with my talent. I can press in and worship Him again free from the fear that something bad will happen to me if I do. I am free to express myself and my heart in adoration and praise, knowing that He is holding me, that I am safe and completely protected. And when persecution comes, as promised, I can rest assured that it's not because of anything I've done, It's because of His great name and because I am a child of God!!
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Hide and Seek
1 Samuel 23:14
David stayed in the wilderness strongholds and in the hills of the Desert of Ziph. Day after day Saul searched for him, but God did not give David into his hands.
Psalm 5:12
Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.
Psalm 9:9
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
Psalm 31:20
In the shelter of your presence you hide them from all human intrigues; you keep them safe in your dwelling from accusing tongues.
Psalm 91:1
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Psalm 119:114
You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.
Psalm 121:7
The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life;
I was thinking about something I said to somebody the other day that wasn't true. What I said and what I meant didn't line up and it really bothered me. It shouldn't have, the person knew what I meant even though it didn't come out right, but it caused me to start asking God questions about my confidence. The statement that I made was regarding comfort, go figure. How many of us are really comfortable in the area of our confidence? I know that I struggle with it especially in seasons of waiting. I have a tendency to get agitated and distracted. In thinking along these lines the Lord reminded me of the role of the one hiding in the timeless game we all used to play called hide and seek.
Ready, set, go! 1..2..3..4.. Once the counting begins, your off to find the very best place possible. The sweet spot always took more consideration, more maneuvering, and was probably uncomfortable to get into. If you gave up because you knew that time was running out and your seeker was coming, more than likely you had to settle for something a little more obvious and you were probably one of the first to be found. How much of life is like trying to find the just the right place to hide? To get something of good quality it usually costs you something, sometimes a lot, or maybe everything, depending on how bad you want it and what you're willing to do for it.
The Lord impressed this question on my heart, "What does it mean to be hidden in Christ?." After a few minutes of reciting verses in my head and pondering what I thought they meant, I really didn't have a solid answer. I never gave much thought to that question? Why would I? I just always assumed that because I love God and He loves me that I am hidden away in Him, safe from the one who prowls around like a roaring lion. For the most part I am vigilant and alert, sober of mind, but what about those moments when I slip and give the seeker clues to my hiding place? From that one question, all these others started to sprout up and I realized I had no clue what it mean to hide in Christ. Just then, the Lord quickened a memory from my childhood.
The best place I ever found to hide, that I can remember, was in the formal dining room at my parent's house. We had these awesome padded chairs that were huge and there were six of them. My mom always kept the table with a beautiful cloth that was long enough to hide me as I stretched my little body out on the pads and waited for my sister to find me. I can remember thinking that the spot I had found was quite possibly my new favorite place to hang out and the cats thought so too! It seemed safe, comfortable, quiet, and it took Kellie a long time to find me the first time I hid there. I believe the Lord was giving me a picture of what it looks like to be hidden in Him. Once you find where it is you are supposed to be, if you have confidence in the One who is hiding you, it is a very pleasant place to be.
Being hidden in Christ is more than just saying, "I am hidden in Christ." Hiding is an art! What lengths do we go to to hide Christmas presents from our kids or conceal a surprise birthday party? Any slip ups we make could give us away so we have to be extra careful in all we say and do. The same is true when hiding in Christ. I was thinking about why we hide in Christ? Obviously there would be no need to hide if it weren't for the one seeking to destroy us right? Wouldn't that make it all the more important to be careful in all we say and do when we are trying to hide ourselves away in Him? How much more important are we than a stack of Christmas gifts to the Lord?
I started thinking about comfort and confidence again. When I was hiding on the padded chairs, I was comfortable and therefore confident in my ability to stay hidden from my sister for a long time, but getting into just the right position was tricky. I almost always bumped my head on the table and the cats always took off running when they saw me coming, which could have given me away instantly. It was an epic spot but it took some maneuvering to get into. There were always kinks to work through before reaching the place of comfort and confidence. It was never easy at first, discomfort always came before the confidence.
"I understand all that, Lord, I remember the game but where are you going with all of this?" I said. Then it hit me! The Lord has called me into a secret hiding place with Him and I've found a great spot to hide! This is not any ordinary hiding place at all! All of the discomfort I've been experiencing is just me trying to maneuver my way into this amazing place without being found by the enemy. God has been helping me, guiding me, teaching me, and protecting me, with every move I make because He wants me to be in this place too. Getting here has cost me quite a lot so it is with due diligence that every move I make from now on is with greater purpose than ever before. I have experienced so much relief and freedom with the release of everything that was trying to come with me. Like a camel trying to fit through the eye of a needle, only a supernatural act of God could make it possible.
I have learned so much about strategy through this last season, which is what I've been asking for since the beginning of the year along with getting rid of any false hope I held. These lessons haven't come easy, in fact, there were times that I wanted to give up and just walk away from God. It's important to remember that a life consecrated to God means allowing Him to renew and transform even the deepest, darkest part of the heart. It's painful and costs a lot but it is so worth the glory that we bring His name when we submit and allow Him to teach us.
It's all in the book. None of this is new news. I joke around with my husband sometimes saying that I'm always the last to know but really, it's all part of the growth process. The keys that I have now will help me throughout every battle that I'm bound to face for the rest of my life. I'd like to share them in the hope that something here might speak to someone reading. Remember, when I talk about hiding in Christ, I use the picture of the game hide and seek. There would be no need to hide if the enemy wasn't seeking to destroy you. It's also important to state that the enemy is not the people around you, the enemy is satan. He uses people, but those people aren't really our enemies. I pray that God will give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation into the knowledge of Him that He might enlighten the eyes of your understanding and that His truth would rest in your heart.
When you purpose yourself to hide in Christ be careful with your words. Use of the wrong ones could attract the enemy. Gossip and slander will come back to bite you, I guarantee it so guard your mouth. The power of life and death is in the tongue so speak blessings when arrows come your way, it will confuse the enemy and the arrows will never find you. Forgiveness is the key, it is our covering, our protection. The blood of Jesus covers a multitude of sins, not just our own, but those of our enemies as well. We all get hit by arrows from time to time but the idea is to not make a big fuss about it when you do. The seeker will do whatever he can to try and get clues to where you are. He knows your weak spots and is going to try to get you to make some noise. If you keep silent and forgive, you can continue working your way into that sweet spot of yours without him ever knowing you were even hit. Easier said than done, I know, some of those arrows really hurt but remember how good it is living in the truth of God's word and not being a victim of the enemy. Use discernment when it comes to encouragement from others. I know that sounds bad but the bible says to trust no man, only God. Hiding is strategic. If God has called you into a place for a season so that He can fight a battle for you, let Him do it without you getting distracted by what may or may not be gossip. Just be careful and on purpose about the moves you make and the words you choose. Finally, if you get stuck because of unforgiveness or pride and need time to process it out, that's OK. God will honor you for taking the time to do things the right way. He doesn't want those things coming with you anyway so don't feel like you need to rush.
Finding out what is getting you stuck in the first place is a good thing because it will help you to avoid running into the same problem over and over again. It isn't always pretty, in fact, it might look really ugly but it is perhaps the most important part of the healing process. Once you get over those hurdles and settle down into the place God has carved out for you, you'll never want to leave and you never have to! Confidence and comfort go hand in hand but if you aren't there yet it's probably because there is something God is wanting you to leave behind. Although you may be uncomfortable in the maneuvering process, you can have confidence that God will see you through it and get you to the place that He has prepared for you. In that, we can find rest.
David stayed in the wilderness strongholds and in the hills of the Desert of Ziph. Day after day Saul searched for him, but God did not give David into his hands.
Psalm 5:12
Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.
Psalm 9:9
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
Psalm 31:20
In the shelter of your presence you hide them from all human intrigues; you keep them safe in your dwelling from accusing tongues.
Psalm 91:1
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Psalm 119:114
You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.
Psalm 121:7
The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life;
I was thinking about something I said to somebody the other day that wasn't true. What I said and what I meant didn't line up and it really bothered me. It shouldn't have, the person knew what I meant even though it didn't come out right, but it caused me to start asking God questions about my confidence. The statement that I made was regarding comfort, go figure. How many of us are really comfortable in the area of our confidence? I know that I struggle with it especially in seasons of waiting. I have a tendency to get agitated and distracted. In thinking along these lines the Lord reminded me of the role of the one hiding in the timeless game we all used to play called hide and seek.
Ready, set, go! 1..2..3..4.. Once the counting begins, your off to find the very best place possible. The sweet spot always took more consideration, more maneuvering, and was probably uncomfortable to get into. If you gave up because you knew that time was running out and your seeker was coming, more than likely you had to settle for something a little more obvious and you were probably one of the first to be found. How much of life is like trying to find the just the right place to hide? To get something of good quality it usually costs you something, sometimes a lot, or maybe everything, depending on how bad you want it and what you're willing to do for it.
The Lord impressed this question on my heart, "What does it mean to be hidden in Christ?." After a few minutes of reciting verses in my head and pondering what I thought they meant, I really didn't have a solid answer. I never gave much thought to that question? Why would I? I just always assumed that because I love God and He loves me that I am hidden away in Him, safe from the one who prowls around like a roaring lion. For the most part I am vigilant and alert, sober of mind, but what about those moments when I slip and give the seeker clues to my hiding place? From that one question, all these others started to sprout up and I realized I had no clue what it mean to hide in Christ. Just then, the Lord quickened a memory from my childhood.
The best place I ever found to hide, that I can remember, was in the formal dining room at my parent's house. We had these awesome padded chairs that were huge and there were six of them. My mom always kept the table with a beautiful cloth that was long enough to hide me as I stretched my little body out on the pads and waited for my sister to find me. I can remember thinking that the spot I had found was quite possibly my new favorite place to hang out and the cats thought so too! It seemed safe, comfortable, quiet, and it took Kellie a long time to find me the first time I hid there. I believe the Lord was giving me a picture of what it looks like to be hidden in Him. Once you find where it is you are supposed to be, if you have confidence in the One who is hiding you, it is a very pleasant place to be.
Being hidden in Christ is more than just saying, "I am hidden in Christ." Hiding is an art! What lengths do we go to to hide Christmas presents from our kids or conceal a surprise birthday party? Any slip ups we make could give us away so we have to be extra careful in all we say and do. The same is true when hiding in Christ. I was thinking about why we hide in Christ? Obviously there would be no need to hide if it weren't for the one seeking to destroy us right? Wouldn't that make it all the more important to be careful in all we say and do when we are trying to hide ourselves away in Him? How much more important are we than a stack of Christmas gifts to the Lord?
I started thinking about comfort and confidence again. When I was hiding on the padded chairs, I was comfortable and therefore confident in my ability to stay hidden from my sister for a long time, but getting into just the right position was tricky. I almost always bumped my head on the table and the cats always took off running when they saw me coming, which could have given me away instantly. It was an epic spot but it took some maneuvering to get into. There were always kinks to work through before reaching the place of comfort and confidence. It was never easy at first, discomfort always came before the confidence.
"I understand all that, Lord, I remember the game but where are you going with all of this?" I said. Then it hit me! The Lord has called me into a secret hiding place with Him and I've found a great spot to hide! This is not any ordinary hiding place at all! All of the discomfort I've been experiencing is just me trying to maneuver my way into this amazing place without being found by the enemy. God has been helping me, guiding me, teaching me, and protecting me, with every move I make because He wants me to be in this place too. Getting here has cost me quite a lot so it is with due diligence that every move I make from now on is with greater purpose than ever before. I have experienced so much relief and freedom with the release of everything that was trying to come with me. Like a camel trying to fit through the eye of a needle, only a supernatural act of God could make it possible.
I have learned so much about strategy through this last season, which is what I've been asking for since the beginning of the year along with getting rid of any false hope I held. These lessons haven't come easy, in fact, there were times that I wanted to give up and just walk away from God. It's important to remember that a life consecrated to God means allowing Him to renew and transform even the deepest, darkest part of the heart. It's painful and costs a lot but it is so worth the glory that we bring His name when we submit and allow Him to teach us.
It's all in the book. None of this is new news. I joke around with my husband sometimes saying that I'm always the last to know but really, it's all part of the growth process. The keys that I have now will help me throughout every battle that I'm bound to face for the rest of my life. I'd like to share them in the hope that something here might speak to someone reading. Remember, when I talk about hiding in Christ, I use the picture of the game hide and seek. There would be no need to hide if the enemy wasn't seeking to destroy you. It's also important to state that the enemy is not the people around you, the enemy is satan. He uses people, but those people aren't really our enemies. I pray that God will give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation into the knowledge of Him that He might enlighten the eyes of your understanding and that His truth would rest in your heart.
When you purpose yourself to hide in Christ be careful with your words. Use of the wrong ones could attract the enemy. Gossip and slander will come back to bite you, I guarantee it so guard your mouth. The power of life and death is in the tongue so speak blessings when arrows come your way, it will confuse the enemy and the arrows will never find you. Forgiveness is the key, it is our covering, our protection. The blood of Jesus covers a multitude of sins, not just our own, but those of our enemies as well. We all get hit by arrows from time to time but the idea is to not make a big fuss about it when you do. The seeker will do whatever he can to try and get clues to where you are. He knows your weak spots and is going to try to get you to make some noise. If you keep silent and forgive, you can continue working your way into that sweet spot of yours without him ever knowing you were even hit. Easier said than done, I know, some of those arrows really hurt but remember how good it is living in the truth of God's word and not being a victim of the enemy. Use discernment when it comes to encouragement from others. I know that sounds bad but the bible says to trust no man, only God. Hiding is strategic. If God has called you into a place for a season so that He can fight a battle for you, let Him do it without you getting distracted by what may or may not be gossip. Just be careful and on purpose about the moves you make and the words you choose. Finally, if you get stuck because of unforgiveness or pride and need time to process it out, that's OK. God will honor you for taking the time to do things the right way. He doesn't want those things coming with you anyway so don't feel like you need to rush.
Finding out what is getting you stuck in the first place is a good thing because it will help you to avoid running into the same problem over and over again. It isn't always pretty, in fact, it might look really ugly but it is perhaps the most important part of the healing process. Once you get over those hurdles and settle down into the place God has carved out for you, you'll never want to leave and you never have to! Confidence and comfort go hand in hand but if you aren't there yet it's probably because there is something God is wanting you to leave behind. Although you may be uncomfortable in the maneuvering process, you can have confidence that God will see you through it and get you to the place that He has prepared for you. In that, we can find rest.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Weakness
When it comes to admitting areas of weakness in my life it can be difficult because I try so hard to be strong in those areas. One of my biggest weaknesses is that I don't like to do things by myself. It is much more easy to have someone there to tell me what I should believe, how I should live, and how I should think, than it is for me to try and figure it out on my own. I've made so many bad choices in my life, thinking they were the right ones, that I developed this image of myself as hopeless and helpless without someone there to tell me what to do. I've trusted with my whole heart that the people in authority in my life have had all the answers and somehow knew better than anyone how to solve the conflicts of my life. The bigger conflict constantly surrounding me has always been the same, where will I pledge my allegiance? Will I pledge to man or will I pledge to God? It always comes back around to the same place and the minute I turn my heart in complete surrender to the One who knows my innermost parts, the war begins and the devil rages.
The problem is not the devil. It's not even the battle. The issue lies within my own belief about who I am. There are all kinds of things I could blame right now, that would make sense about how I came to be this way, but I don't want to do that. This very moment, I know that my soul has been bought by the highest bidder. Jesus Christ Himself bought and paid for me with His own blood and I know that makes me pretty special. I would like to say that I understand the cost but in reality, if I did, I would see myself in a way different light. I do not understand God's love. I wish I could say I did, I wish I could say I had it and had enough to give to anyone who needed it. I get forgiveness, and then maybe, God will give me love for those I've forgiven. More than anything, I want just a glimpse of what it would be like to love the ones that have hurt me in the worst way, with the kind of love that would cause me to give up my entire life just to save theirs. For now I get to forgive and then I get to pray.
Whenever I get hurt, either by my own sin, or someone else's, the first thing I always do is blame myself. That's a tactic of the enemy to try and wear me down. If he can get me to see myself the way he wants me to, eventually I will lay down my weapons. Bitterness, resentment, shame, feelings of rejection and self hatred, all of these thoughts start moving through my mind like a nasty windstorm that wants to destroy anything and everything that stands for good. The battlefield truly is in the mind. What I have to do is stay focused on the only One who is able to calm the storm but I tend to panic. I'm like my brother Peter that way, as soon as I take my eyes off of Jesus and start listening to the doubt in my mind, I start sinking and once I sink, I panic even more.
I said before that I don't like to do things by myself, that is one of my biggest weaknesses. I know that I'm never really alone but during the times when I've sunk into the murky waters of my own mind, I need something tangible I can hold onto. I think most of us are that way, who really wants to go through life alone? God has given us to each other also to be of support to one another, to help each other up when we get knocked down during the trials of life. There's more to it than that though. We can't leave God out. We can't not give God the credit when we pull through. We can't ignore the fact that God Himself allows the storms to happen in order to manifest His glory through His son. What if we get so wrapped up in where our help is going to come from that we forget that help is already here?
God's love is so much greater than any of us could ever fathom. Right now, we all get to cash in on a little piece of it called forgiveness. I say that only because I know there is so much more to it than that. What was it like to knit me together and place me in my mother's womb knowing some of the things I would have to face? What kind of compassion is that of a God who sees His children hurting all over the world because they are hungry at night and there's no one there to feed them or comfort them? What kind of joy does the God of the universe experience when a prisoner on death row accept the blood of His son as payment for his sin? I want to know this love, more than anything.
If God makes Himself strong where we are weak then I suppose the more I confess my weaknesses, the better off I'll be. What I've learned through the process in this particular area is that when it really comes down to it, God Himself wants to be the calmer of my storm. It's not really my storm after all. He bought me, therefore all that I am belongs to Him. There is a warning in the passage of scripture that says to put no trust in man but in God alone. I believe that is because God is jealous for our affection. He covets our trust. If we go depending too much on sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers, doctors, lawyers, teachers, pastors, or any other authority, they will eventually let us down. God allows that to happen so that He can come through and show Himself mighty to save. Where I am weak, He is strong. When I'm afraid to be alone and I'm standing in the middle of the battlefield with my weapons tightly secured, focused on Him, those words lose their power and my God wins for me, His beloved bride. With that kind of ending, why even try to be strong :).
The problem is not the devil. It's not even the battle. The issue lies within my own belief about who I am. There are all kinds of things I could blame right now, that would make sense about how I came to be this way, but I don't want to do that. This very moment, I know that my soul has been bought by the highest bidder. Jesus Christ Himself bought and paid for me with His own blood and I know that makes me pretty special. I would like to say that I understand the cost but in reality, if I did, I would see myself in a way different light. I do not understand God's love. I wish I could say I did, I wish I could say I had it and had enough to give to anyone who needed it. I get forgiveness, and then maybe, God will give me love for those I've forgiven. More than anything, I want just a glimpse of what it would be like to love the ones that have hurt me in the worst way, with the kind of love that would cause me to give up my entire life just to save theirs. For now I get to forgive and then I get to pray.
Whenever I get hurt, either by my own sin, or someone else's, the first thing I always do is blame myself. That's a tactic of the enemy to try and wear me down. If he can get me to see myself the way he wants me to, eventually I will lay down my weapons. Bitterness, resentment, shame, feelings of rejection and self hatred, all of these thoughts start moving through my mind like a nasty windstorm that wants to destroy anything and everything that stands for good. The battlefield truly is in the mind. What I have to do is stay focused on the only One who is able to calm the storm but I tend to panic. I'm like my brother Peter that way, as soon as I take my eyes off of Jesus and start listening to the doubt in my mind, I start sinking and once I sink, I panic even more.
I said before that I don't like to do things by myself, that is one of my biggest weaknesses. I know that I'm never really alone but during the times when I've sunk into the murky waters of my own mind, I need something tangible I can hold onto. I think most of us are that way, who really wants to go through life alone? God has given us to each other also to be of support to one another, to help each other up when we get knocked down during the trials of life. There's more to it than that though. We can't leave God out. We can't not give God the credit when we pull through. We can't ignore the fact that God Himself allows the storms to happen in order to manifest His glory through His son. What if we get so wrapped up in where our help is going to come from that we forget that help is already here?
God's love is so much greater than any of us could ever fathom. Right now, we all get to cash in on a little piece of it called forgiveness. I say that only because I know there is so much more to it than that. What was it like to knit me together and place me in my mother's womb knowing some of the things I would have to face? What kind of compassion is that of a God who sees His children hurting all over the world because they are hungry at night and there's no one there to feed them or comfort them? What kind of joy does the God of the universe experience when a prisoner on death row accept the blood of His son as payment for his sin? I want to know this love, more than anything.
If God makes Himself strong where we are weak then I suppose the more I confess my weaknesses, the better off I'll be. What I've learned through the process in this particular area is that when it really comes down to it, God Himself wants to be the calmer of my storm. It's not really my storm after all. He bought me, therefore all that I am belongs to Him. There is a warning in the passage of scripture that says to put no trust in man but in God alone. I believe that is because God is jealous for our affection. He covets our trust. If we go depending too much on sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers, doctors, lawyers, teachers, pastors, or any other authority, they will eventually let us down. God allows that to happen so that He can come through and show Himself mighty to save. Where I am weak, He is strong. When I'm afraid to be alone and I'm standing in the middle of the battlefield with my weapons tightly secured, focused on Him, those words lose their power and my God wins for me, His beloved bride. With that kind of ending, why even try to be strong :).
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
All things work together for the good of those who love God......
This past season has been one of the most difficult yet to
endure as a Christian called to living a life of purity. About three months ago, I had a vision. I knew it was the kickoff to entering into
something completely new and unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. What I didn't know was how intense of a
battle it would be. The Lord spoke to my
heart one night as I lay on my bed. He
said, "Consecration is a lofty purpose, remembering the fall will keep you
humble." I began to study the women
of Old Testament and the mistakes they made as women seeking to live
wholeheartedly for God. I found comfort
in their stories as I realized that these mighty women of the Bible were terribly
flawed and that if God loved them, why wouldn't He love me in my own disastrous
situations?
The poem I wrote is a description
of the vision the Lord gave me. I've
kept it written in my notebook for the last three months and haven't looked
back at it or thought about the vision throughout the trial of this last season. It's not that I forgot about it, it's just
that it's been very painful because of
what has been required. I felt it was
time to move on and attempt to try and bring encouragement to some of you who
may be going through difficult trials. I
think the Lord would say that He sees you trying. Even when you fail because of your
weaknesses, keep trying, don't give up.
Because of His great mercy, He allows us to go through these trials so
that there will be nothing between us and Him.
He is looking for a pure and spotless bride and we have to be willing
to submit to the process of sanctification so that there will be no secrets on
that Day. Whatever you do, don't give
up. The only way to fail is to give up. If you don't give up, you win. Keep pressing toward the goal and remember,
even in your failures, All things work together for the good of those who love
God and are called according to His purpose.
Her enemies lie in wait for her at the gate of her will,
They bow low as the King of glory passes through, searching
for His beloved one.
He's been calling, but she's been aloof.
She's been swept away from the Spirit of God by her own pain,
The torrents of selfish pride and ambition have disposed her
into the all familiar arms of fear.
She resists the seduction of panic and anxiety but is
arrested by the words of her adversary.
It's almost too late, she's about to fall.
She cries out for her rescuer, her Savior,
It is there that they
are reunited.
He towers over her tormenters,
With His eyes full of fire and His heart consumed with vengeance,
He beckons her to war.
Wrapped tightly in His arms of love, she is persuaded by His
words;
"You are my trophy, let me put you on
display?
Let me share with you
the mysteries of my heart?
You will gain peace and bring glory to My name."
His voice speaks undeniable truth,
Trembling, her heart breathes a faint, "yes."
As she steps across the threshold, the heavens thunder.
His voice shakes her to the very core of her being,
"As I am Holy, so will you be Holy", say the One
whom her heart adores.
Her enemies gather around her in spite of Him as she is led
out into the arena of her will.
It is in this place she will embrace the crucible of
adversity,
With Him, holding her tight.
All of heaven is watching as once again, she dies to
herself.
All for the sake of Love.
Don't give up!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
My word from the Lord this morning came from Psalm 27:13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. As I began to meditate on that and process all of the places in my soul that the Lord has walked me through over the last year, my heart wandered back to a place where I was as a young girl. I was with my dad and he was teaching me how to drive for the first time high up in the mountains. We had this gigantic Jimmy that was blue and white. The steering was so sensitive that if you so much as sneezed and moved the wheel, you could end up on the wrong side of the 'road'. My family spent the summer time in the same mountains my dad would hunt in the fall and he knew every inch of those woods. I completely trusted him as he took me up in the canyons in that gargantuan GMC. There were really only two rules he gave me: 1. If a logging truck comes flying at you from around the corner, get as far over to the other side of the one lane road as you can without going into the ditch, or else that truck would be in my lap. 2. Don't go off the other side of the road, which was the cliff side, or we would both be dead. That may seem like a pretty dramatic way for a father to teach his little girl how to drive, but in all actuality, my dad was instilling valuable principles in me that would help me walk through storms that would no doubt come in my life. My belief was that my dad was going to teach me how to become a good driver and that I just had to trust in his ways in order for it to be so.
As I thought about those canyons from so long ago, the Lord took me to this passage of scripture in Deuteronomy 2:3 You have skirted this mountain long enough; turn northward. I read on about how Moses was to lead the Israelites through Edom, Moab, and Ammon peacefully. This was no easy feat! These were not good folk and they let the Israelites know they wanted nothing to do with them. God instructed them not to make any kind of waves at all, he required the utmost standard of obedience. It was for what was to come next. Deuteronomy 2:24-25 “Arise, set out, and pass through the valley of Arnon. Look! I have given Sihon the Amorite, king of Heshbon, and his land into your hand; begin to take possession and contend with him in battle. ‘This day I will begin to put the dread and fear of you upon the peoples everywhere under the heavens, who, when they hear the report of you, shall tremble and be in anguish because of you.’
When I read about the battle at Heshbon, I knew there was more to it so I first inquired about the Arnon river gorge that they first had to cross. I learned that the name Arnon means "rushing torrent". It was an important place in biblical times as it was a much sought after border territory. The trench was 1700 feet deep and two miles wide. Imagine the terrain! It was not without faith that they would cross this valley, the Lord had given them hope that they would attain the land that Sihon possessed. I applied this knowledge to my own life in that the pursuit of victory can be very taxing on the soul. Obedience to God to do 'whatever' He asks to take on territory is not a walk in the park. He likens it to crossing 1700 foot trenches of jagged sandstone and that's just the preparation for the battle! Let's not mention the weariness they were already experiencing from crossing through Edom, Moab, and Ammon without fulfilling basic needs. I'll bet they had a better appreciation for the manna God provided after that!
Sihon, king of Heshbon, also refused to let the Israelites pass through. Heshbon was his capital, his stronghold but the Lord strengthened His people and they took it by the edge of the sword. It was given to the Israelites upon their entry to the promised land, just as the Lord said it would be. That is seeing God's goodness in the land of the living! Perhaps the thing about Heshbon that I find most intriguing in not anything mentioned about it in Deuteronomy or Numbers but in the Song of Solomon 7:4. It says, "Your neck is like an ivory tower, your eyes like the pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon which looks towards Damascus." For the Shulamite's eyes to be compared to it, Heshbon would have to be a pretty important place. The scripture goes on to describe the kind of intimacy that only comes through maturity and obedience. I felt the Lord was saying that these kinds of battles, the kind that require a gold standard of obedience and denial of oneself will ultimately produce the goodness of God found only in His promise.
It's probably been twenty-five years since my dad took me on my first driving lesson. So much has happened in my life between now and then that's caused much pain and grief. Like the Israelites in their desert wandering, I've spent a lot of time complaining about the way God has provided for me. I have strived many times to see the promises of God come to pass and I've been bitten by the serpents in the process. The pain of my sin reminds me where to look and God strengthens me every time, he never fails. The rules my dad gave me on those narrow canyon roads are biblical truths. Never compromise. When life throws you a logging truck on a one lane gravel road, be smart enough to get out of the way! Become meek and humble, use wisdom, and if the road should happen to narrow and you find yourself looking off the edge of the cliff, be careful! The Way is dangerous and there will be many obstacles but God is with us and won't let us veer off the road if we keep our eyes on the promise. Even if we do spend time gazing into the valley, He is faithful to remind us of the cost. Surely we will see goodness in the land of the living!
As I thought about those canyons from so long ago, the Lord took me to this passage of scripture in Deuteronomy 2:3 You have skirted this mountain long enough; turn northward. I read on about how Moses was to lead the Israelites through Edom, Moab, and Ammon peacefully. This was no easy feat! These were not good folk and they let the Israelites know they wanted nothing to do with them. God instructed them not to make any kind of waves at all, he required the utmost standard of obedience. It was for what was to come next. Deuteronomy 2:24-25 “Arise, set out, and pass through the valley of Arnon. Look! I have given Sihon the Amorite, king of Heshbon, and his land into your hand; begin to take possession and contend with him in battle. ‘This day I will begin to put the dread and fear of you upon the peoples everywhere under the heavens, who, when they hear the report of you, shall tremble and be in anguish because of you.’
When I read about the battle at Heshbon, I knew there was more to it so I first inquired about the Arnon river gorge that they first had to cross. I learned that the name Arnon means "rushing torrent". It was an important place in biblical times as it was a much sought after border territory. The trench was 1700 feet deep and two miles wide. Imagine the terrain! It was not without faith that they would cross this valley, the Lord had given them hope that they would attain the land that Sihon possessed. I applied this knowledge to my own life in that the pursuit of victory can be very taxing on the soul. Obedience to God to do 'whatever' He asks to take on territory is not a walk in the park. He likens it to crossing 1700 foot trenches of jagged sandstone and that's just the preparation for the battle! Let's not mention the weariness they were already experiencing from crossing through Edom, Moab, and Ammon without fulfilling basic needs. I'll bet they had a better appreciation for the manna God provided after that!
Sihon, king of Heshbon, also refused to let the Israelites pass through. Heshbon was his capital, his stronghold but the Lord strengthened His people and they took it by the edge of the sword. It was given to the Israelites upon their entry to the promised land, just as the Lord said it would be. That is seeing God's goodness in the land of the living! Perhaps the thing about Heshbon that I find most intriguing in not anything mentioned about it in Deuteronomy or Numbers but in the Song of Solomon 7:4. It says, "Your neck is like an ivory tower, your eyes like the pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon which looks towards Damascus." For the Shulamite's eyes to be compared to it, Heshbon would have to be a pretty important place. The scripture goes on to describe the kind of intimacy that only comes through maturity and obedience. I felt the Lord was saying that these kinds of battles, the kind that require a gold standard of obedience and denial of oneself will ultimately produce the goodness of God found only in His promise.
It's probably been twenty-five years since my dad took me on my first driving lesson. So much has happened in my life between now and then that's caused much pain and grief. Like the Israelites in their desert wandering, I've spent a lot of time complaining about the way God has provided for me. I have strived many times to see the promises of God come to pass and I've been bitten by the serpents in the process. The pain of my sin reminds me where to look and God strengthens me every time, he never fails. The rules my dad gave me on those narrow canyon roads are biblical truths. Never compromise. When life throws you a logging truck on a one lane gravel road, be smart enough to get out of the way! Become meek and humble, use wisdom, and if the road should happen to narrow and you find yourself looking off the edge of the cliff, be careful! The Way is dangerous and there will be many obstacles but God is with us and won't let us veer off the road if we keep our eyes on the promise. Even if we do spend time gazing into the valley, He is faithful to remind us of the cost. Surely we will see goodness in the land of the living!
Thursday, December 19, 2013
As the deer pants for the water brooks, So
pants my soul for You, O God. Psalm 42:1
We hear that passage of scripture, sing it, recite it,
and pray it often to the Lord but do we
really understand what it means to pant for the Lord? I have to tell you, I had no idea what I was
getting into when I opened up my hands one day and prayed the prayer for hunger
and thirst like that of the deer in this particular passage. It seems like a sweet enough prayer to start
off with but then I found myself inviting Him to wound me in the process. I specifically remember saying the words, "Go
ahead and wreck my heart God, wound me for the sake of hungering and thirsting
after You." Who prays things like
that? I'll tell you, it's people who are possessed! Possessed by the Holy
Spirit, that's who!
Like
many other wives and mothers, husbands and fathers for that matter, I find myself
in the predicament of service that lacks the kind of appreciative response I
hope for. Day in and day out, we pour
ourselves out for the people God has assigned to us hoping that they will
receive our love and become better human
beings because they have been cared for with pureness of heart. It's so easy to relate to the feeling of
being overlooked and we ache
waiting for a return. I find myself
thinking thoughts like; I don't want to serve anymore, I wish I could run away, or plug into an old addiction or habit. The destructive thoughts crash in on me like
the waves and billows described in the same Psalm. In 42:7. It says, deep calls
unto deep at sound of Your waterfalls and that's when we come to prayers that
ask God to make us hungry and thirsty.
We know that only He can pull us out of our selfish pride and
make us humble again but it takes a real acknowledgement of where our help
comes from. We need to confess that we
need more love, repent for trying to do it on our own, and begin to hunger for the Lord's help. He will feed those that earnestly seek Him!
I
think it's fair to say that many of us don't see our own value. We can read what the Bible says and even
believe and accept the love of Christ but we all inevitably want something
tangible and secure to hold onto when every effort of our love seems wasted. It's not that we don't believe in God, it's
just that He is invisible and His ways don't make sense until His plan has
unfolded. I think about the scroll that
was given to Ezekiel and the scroll that was given to John in Revelation. Ezekiel saw the writing on the scroll, he saw it unfolded and when he put it in his mouth, it was sweet.
John didn't see any of the writing, the scroll was sealed shut, and he had no clue
what was about to hit him! It too tasted
sweet but when it got to his stomach, it made him sick. As a result, the kind of vision God gave John was the kind
that would change the whole course of human history. He had no idea, he simply hungered for righteousness. He was truly enslaved by the testimony of Jesus. Think of the reward for that kind of obedience! If you can, imagine a big table full of the finest foods
and drinks available to mankind. Wouldn't you want to indulge yourself? That's how it should be when we come to the
word of God. He has prepared a table
before me in the presence of my enemies.
The table in that scripture verse is the word of God! When we eat at the table with Jesus and begin
digest the bitter prophecies, we become something new that stretches ourselves
into eternity with God. We get a new
vision like John did and yet we question our value?
Our
weak love is nothing in comparison to the love that God has for us. Although we pretend that we have all we need
and life is good, we know there is more, and we want it. We want to lay hold of the kind of love that
moves mountains, fulfills desire, and erases ache. Only One can satisfy that kind of deep
longing and only One should be allowed to. Jesus paid the ultimate price for
our affections and we owe it to Him alone, no other god is worthy. In my
history with God, it has been through pain that I have discovered
intimacy. I don't know if it's like that
for everyone but it's what He uses to draw me close. It's been a blessing to discover Jesus in the
crucible of adversity because I have seen His raw emotions there. He is a man that bled and ached for me. There are sides to Him that paralyze my soul
with the realization of His jealousy for me.
I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me one night that consecration to Him
would be a lofty purpose and that remembering the fall would keep me humble. Those words turn over and over in my head and
yet as I climb the mountain, I'm looking for other ways to satisfy my deepest
human longings. It doesn't sound like something I should be doing when my life
is at stake but the longings are real
and were placed there by God, for God, to propel me on. When we ask God to
wound us for His sake, it is the cry of the Holy Spirit within us. Deep calling out to deep. We have something tangible to hold onto, His
word, and we need to be reminded to look for our promises.
There
was something about the deer in Psalm 42 that perplexed me. Animals run because of fear, so do humans for
that matter. I read that if a deer is
wounded in the front part of its body and has a choice, it will leap uphill
rather than down where water is easier to access.They are able to leap much farther when
they are wounded too, enabling them to climb higher than before. The higher up the mountain they go, the more
pure the water they will find. I imagine the deer in
the Psalm being wounded near the heart and traveling up the mountain at record
speed in search of pure water. The pain
from the wound is so intense that it causes the animal to move faster than ever
in search of the remedy. When we ask God
for supernatural hunger and thirst, what we are really asking is for God to put
us in circumstances that are so uncomfortable, we will run unabashedly to Him
in search of the remedy. How blessed are
we who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for we shall be filled!
What
I've learned the most in the process of sorting out my own self-perceived inadequacies
as a wife and mother is simply this. I
can't do it without His love. My love is
weak in comparison to His, I know because I've tasted something powerful enough
to raise the dead. I'm climbing
the mountain of God and I'm bringing my family with me, whether they like it or
not. It's going to be difficult and hard
to love them sometimes but that's where He comes in. He will give all of us what we need to get there in
one piece. I may have to suffer a few
wounds along the way but they will help me to climb to new heights and remember
the reasons why I'm doing it. I want to
be remembered for the way I loved and if I have to loose everything for the sake of love, I want to be willing. We will stand before the throne of grace one day, where the water is in it's purest form, and will be made completely whole. We will lack nothing in that day.
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