Healing

There are seasons of my life where God takes me places that need a little mending.  I used to wonder why He doesn't just do it all at once at get it over with but then I realized how boring that would be.   His timing is like perfect poetry, tying all things together to make a beautiful bouquet of brokenness transformed, to present to the Father.  Jesus likes to be reminded He is the King of Kings, a jealous One at that who likes to show off His work.  During this particular season, God has taken me deeper than ever before and renewed my mind all along the way.

Painful as it is, worth it, it is more.  One of the things I've come to terms with, is that there's a relentless pursuit of my soul on God's part.  There is no escaping a jealous God.  The devotion He has had for me my whole life leaves me humble at best, considering the feelings of bitterness and anger I carried against Him for so many years. Yet, He would call, I would run.  He would call again, again I would run.  I was far to dirty, in my mind, to approach a Holy God so I lived separated from Him because of my sin and sin passed on from generation to generation since the fall of man.  I gained immediate gratification through my various deals with the devil. Over and over I would sell out for that quick fix. I was left  brokenhearted and in my opinion, beyond repair.  When I felt God tugging on my heart, the words written on it suddenly came to life, hope was born and I had the faith to ask for a second chance.

I was pretty clueless about how to start over.  It was kinda like building a sand castle then having the water wash it all away, leaving behind the holes I'd dug in the sand.  The holes were really in my mind, in my soul,  filled with garbage I'd collected from being hurt. I came into agreement with the idea that I somehow deserved to be hurt because of this or that, whatever the circumstance was at the time.  I realize now that what I was really after all that time was God.  Pursuing all the other "feel goods" were just a replacement for that which I truly lacked.  I was loved as a child, had friends, money, good looks, a car, boyfriends, all the wine of the world was at my fingertips.  I used it all as a  substitute for my one true longing, which was to be a child of God.  I wanted Him, I just didn't want to give up my idols.

Over the past few years, I've gotten to know God the Father and Jesus the King.  I met Jesus the Judge a long time ago but now I'm getting acquainted with Jesus the Bridegroom.  There truly are so many different aspects to God.  The one thing they all have in common is their righteousness.  He is never wrong and just when you think you know how He feels, He takes you beyond.
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