The Youth Group had a really awesome opportunity to go to a conference at the IHOP Misisons base in Kansas City that coming July. We had to raise about $2,000.00 in order to go and we only had a few months to do it. Raising funds with a bunch of teens is hard work. If you know anything about this species of human you'll understand where I'm coming from. I have to say that for all the money we earned for our trip God must have matched it because I honestly don't know where it came from. Also, my friends that I mentioned earlier, who had moved to Kansas City, insisted that the kids all stay with them which turned out to be one of the biggest blessings for me. It was a lot of hard work and concious effort for all so we were thrilled when we got the call from our Youth Pastor one night to let us know we'd done it and he was booking the airfare, it was finally happening. Then he tells me that not only were the kids on their way but I was too!!! Wow, I thought, I'm being "sent" somewhere with our youth group. I thought I knew what I was in for but that would soon be challenged.
I can't tell you all that happened during my visit to Kansas City, that will have to be for another time. What I can tell you about is what God did with me in the midst of these teens. I was responsible for four of them altogether. How was I going to get the other three to respond to me if I couldn't even get my own daughter too. Like I said before, my oldest daughter has trust issues with me. I did a lot of damage while I was in my disease. Getting her to pay any attention to me was like asking her to walk out in front of a moving bus, literally. This would prove to be a challenge as all four of these kids had issues. Thankfully, I wasn't going to be alone. Another mother and dear friend was going to come with her two girls plus I knew my friends in KC would be there to help. What I didn't know was what God was going to be doing with me during this time. Remember, I was going along because of the kids. I felt really "lucky" to be going. I didn't realize that God had a purpose much greater than I could see.
Let me tell you something about myself. I like to do things my way. I like to take things on with an iron fist and acomplish the impossible so that I can feel like I'm worth something to the world. Well, that used to be true anyway. I used to think that way until God showed me His way which was much easier of course. My going along with the kids to IHOP was a big responsibility for me. I wanted to be sure that things went smoothly, the kids behaved, paid attention, and got what we were going for. I really felt like God was going to be training me to be a youth leader. What I didn't realize was that I already was and had been assuming that role in my own home. This trip was about taking these kids to the "Disneyland of Christians" and making sure they all got a big dose of God, then they were going to come back on fire for Jesus and revival would break out in the high school. I was doing my part by going along for the ride and making sure cell phones were off during service. Wow, I wonder what the trip would have been like if I'd have gone expecting more.
If you've ever been in the presence of God, you'll know what a terrible and wonderful place it can be. The two really go hand in hand. I hear people say all the time, "How can it be terrible? If God is so good and kind it should be nothing more than wonderful. God isn't scary, God can't be mean." The truth is that it's God's kindness to shake us up and make us feel uncomfortable. It was God's kindness to bring me to the place of disaster that led me to treatment and it was His kindess that caused me to nearly lose my famiy. This kindness can seem terrible at the time but God is a righteous judge and whatever He chooses to do will always be right. Being in His presence is the same way. Whatever truth God chooses to speak to you in that place will carry accountability. I have learned to embrace this although I don't always want to. Often times a change will be necessary to accomplish His will and I don't always want change, it's uncomfortable. Bottom line is this, it's really that way for all of us. If we choose to enter fully into the presence of God, it means we must first lay everything down. Becoming transparent to God can be scary, especially to a teenager.
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